I am usually up with Tag around 3 or 4 am for a feeding. Typically he's up an for an hour and a half or so and it's a very happy, smiley time. The past couple of nights however, he's been stuffy. He gets upset that he's not eating/breathing and lets out lots of frustration via snorts and whimpers. To assist him I put saline drops in his nose and then used that old infamous bulb/nose sucker. To him, and all babies I assume, it is really just torture that they don't understand. Tag has just started honing his hand/eye coordination and night before last was trying to push me/it away and struggling quite a bit. He was crying, moving his head all over, hands flying, etc... It made me so sad to have to put him through this ordeal; and yet I knew at the end he'd be breathing easier and be happier.
At the end of it I felt this quiet, yet profound feeling come over me that this was symbolic of life very often. Life is hard, it can be uncomfortable, painful and scary at times. We get frustrated and don't understand why things are happening to us- just as Tag didn't. And yet, our Father in Heaven has a grand design where everything He allows to happen in our lives is for our ultimate good so we become who we need to to get back home to Him. How often have I fought things and not understood that they were for my good in the end? It is so easy to forget the bigger picture as trials come in varying ways. Life is painful at times and we can't understand the why's right now.
It's hard to describe the peaceful feeling that came in the wee hours of the morning. It was just like a little light of understanding turned on. I am so grateful for a loving Father in Heaven who knows better than I do what I need; and for His Son whose sacrifice paved the way for us to continually repent and progress. I may not understand the why's just as Tag doesn't right now, but I do have faith that He has my best interests at heart always.
-- Joann
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