I've Got Skills

Happiness is when I fill my diaper, yessiree!

I've got the precision of a sniper, yessiree!

Dad still laughs cuz it doesn't smell,

Mommy says don't ask, don't tell,

I'm just proud to do it well, yessiree!

...Now, where's my breakfast? 

Inspiring Grandpa

January 28, 2010:

Today, Tag's Grandpa Howard Brinton went in for his 2nd chemotherapy treatment to battle prostate cancer that has crept into his hip bones.  After his first chemo cocktail (as he calls it) three weeks ago, he began to lose his curly gray hair, so last week he shaved it clean.

Anyway, last week, Grandpa called us and said he was experiencing Tag withdrawals and requested a visit.  You just can't believe how much Tag brightens his spirits.  We had a great time hanging with Grandpa and watching the football games.  Here's a few photos of Grandpa getting his Tag time...Enjoy.

Diaper Dandy Dad

For years the term "Diaper Dandy" has been an expression used by college basketball announcer Dick Vitale to describe a really good freshman basketball player.  Well, on Saturday I found myself at the Springville, Utah Walmart roaming the aisles for my first purchase of diapers.  I just had to laugh at the transition my life has taken the last few months.

It took me at least 15 minutes staring at the diaper rack to find the newborn sizes, and was determined to find them without asking for help. I'm happy to report that I was successful.  A proud day for this Diaper Dandy Dad.

Here's a few recent pictures of Baby Tag.  We finally captured a few of those new smiley faces he's been sportin' and let me tell you, these pictures just don't capture how classic these looks are in person.

 

Hey Dude

I was holding Tag tonight and he was not happy.  Or in other words, he was starving.  While I waited for the food supply to finish whatever it was she was doing, I made up this song and sang it to Tag to the tune of "Hey Jude" by The Beatles:

Hey Dude,
Don't be so sad
Just get some breast milk, And it'll be better
Remember, you're not in NICU
So latch on and snuggle and it will be better.

Hey Dude,
Don't let me down
You have found her, now go and get her
Remember, you've got two sides to enjoy
Then you can start to make it better.

Na na na na na, Na na na na, Hey Dude...

Looks like he found what he was looking for...

Gene Test Results

Another long day at the hospital. This time to meet with the Oncologist who had taken over Tag's case.  We hoped that finally this time we would have some answers about the gene test that had apparently been conducted more than 3 weeks ago.  

Joann made the appointment for 2 pm and we hustled to get there right on time.  As we arrived, we checked in at the Oncology front desk to a puzzled look by the friendly receptionist.  She informed us that our appointment wasn't until the following day.  I about lost it.  Joann had made the appointment so I looked at her and she calmly told the lady that she was mistaken.  The lady could tell that we were anxious and she said that she would contact Dr. Bruggers to see if she could meet with us today, but unfortunately our wait would be at least an hour and a half, as Bruggers was in a surgery.

As we sat down, I asked Jo what happened and she said that Bruggers assistant (who shall remain nameless) must have messed up.  I asked the receptionist for his number and I called him to find out what had gone wrong, and let him know how many challenges his mistake had caused us.  Then I had to spend 30 minutes on the phone rearranging schedules and changing my own meetings around in order to accommodate this new doctor appointment.  I swear, if in my businesses I ran my customer service like many doctors do, I'd be out of customers.  I guess it pays to have such desperate, motivated customers who put up with such crapola.

While I was on my phone calls, a nurse took Jo and Tag into a room to ask some initial questions.  I tracked them down and joined them and she was asking Joann the typical "get to know you questions" and after she was done, turned to me and asked, "So, do you have any questions?"

I am typically a really positive person, but this was the wrong question to ask me.  I felt this welling up of frustration and I responded something like this: "Yes, we've been waiting for 3 weeks to get the results of some supposed gene test that will tell us whether or not my son has cancer cells in his tumor and I still don't have any answers.  If you could find those answers for me that would be great."  Now mind you, my tone as I responded to her was quite curt (my Mom knows this tone well), but I just found myself letting her have it.  As I was completing my comments, I looked at Joann and she was giving me that "What are you doing?"-look.  I apologized to the nurse and told her how frustrated I am wondering about the health of my son and that I hoped this appointment would be the appointment that would provide some answers.

This nice nurse calmly responded that she had no idea about the tests, but that she would be happy to allow me to vent my frustrations if that is all she could do to help.  I decided to simply tell her thank you.

Finally, Dr. Bruggers came in and she was delightful and happy.  She pulled out a sheet of paper that had the results of the infamous gene test.  Could this be the moment (after 6 weeks!) that we finally have a definitive answer as to whether or not Tag's mass is malignant or not?  Yes, this was the moment.  She smiled and said that among the cells they tested, there was not a sign of any cancer cells in this myofribroma.  I yelled out a loud "Woohoo!!" (to the surprise of everyone in the room) and Bruggers responded, "Yes, this is very positive news."

She then told us a few more interesting things.  First, that there is always a disclaimer on this kind of news, as a biopsy is only a small piece of a tumor and they just never really know for sure.  Second, that Tag's mass is so very unique that they simply don't have much to compare it to.  Third, that she was sure we wondered what were the next steps and when do we take off the mass.  I wanted to tell her that was the biggest understatement of 2010, but I just simply said, "Yeah, that's been on our minds."

She agreed with Dr. Sadiki's (pediatric cosmetic surgeon) assessment that if we can stand it, we allow baby Tag to grow for another 3 months or so, so that his skull can develop and get stronger.  At the same time we monitor the mass and hopefully it shrinks on its own.  It hasn't shrunk much yet, but that is the hope.  Bottom line, it's in Tag's best interest to wait and watch for a while.

Tag passed yet another test.  Way to go son!

After the appointment, we had a bunch of errands to run.  I want to mention one of them.  I have some close friends named Wayne and Faye Kotter in Salt Lake.  Their sons went to school with me at the U and somehow I was lucky enough to get invited to go over to dinner at their house one time years ago.  Since then, Wayne and Faye have been like surrogate parents to me.  They have one of those homes where you don't even ring the doorbell.  I just walk in and they wrap their arms around me and always make me feel so welcome.  It's been quite a few months since I had seen them and I found out recently that Faye had been experiencing a shortness of breath and when she visited the doctor discovered she had ovarian cancer that had spread all over the place.  Her son informed me of this only a few weeks ago and I had been anxious to make a visit and give her some positive vibes, and allow Tag to work his magic in buoying her spirits.

It was so good to see them. Because of her chemotherapy, Faye's hair was gone but she was sportin' a handsome hat.  She commented that she had been following this blog and that it had made her cry a time or two and this really touched me as I was so happy to know that perhaps I had helped inspire her in some way as she struggles with her own challenges.  We had a good chat about challenges and the difficulties of life.  As I relayed bits of my own story, Wayne (who was sitting by me) placed his hand on my neck a few times in a gentle manner.  Without even saying a word, he communicated his fatherly love for me and I commented to Joann afterwards how this touched me.  It was a great lesson for me as a father to remember to listen to my son and to touch him warmly now and then.

We laughed as I told Joann about some inside jokes I have with Faye and I was so inspired as I spoke with her.  I commented that if any two people could beat cancer, it was my Dad and Faye Kotter.  They both have such happy, positive spirits and we talked about funny movies she should rent and watch.

Anyway, Faye if you're reading this, please know that I love you and I fully expect Tag to get to know you, so stay positive and full of faith.

Last night, Tag fell asleep on my chest.  I had things to do, but I chose to simply put my hands on him and lightly hold him.  It was magic.

Impressive Display

We spent all morning at the new Primary Children's in Riverdale getting Tag his second MRI yesterday.  What an impressive facility.  Despite his not eating to prepare for the anesthesia, he was surprisingly calm on the foggy drive to the hospital.  Upon arrival, the nurses weighed him in and he was 8.5 pounds and 20 inches long.  I also weighed in, and apparently I had also grown, however at my age this is a negative!

I took quite a few pictures of the experience (below).  The radiologist who viewed the results said, "I'm not sure why they ordered another MRI so close to the last one...perhaps to find out if the tumor has grown or if anything looks abnormal.  From what I can tell, the mass hasn't grown and nothing looks dangerous.  However, it also hasn't involuted (shrunk) much either.  Maybe the oncologist has other reasons for the MRI, so you'll have to ask her when you meet with her."

Great. I guess that's good news, but we really didn't learn anything new.  Except that Tag is the most easy-going baby I have ever known.  When they pricked his arm for the I.V., he cried for a few seconds, but that was it.  He was calm and mostly happy the entire time.  We are meeting with the Oncologist this Tuesday and hopefully we'll have some answers then.  In the meantime, enjoy the pictures.

New patient gets checked in.

Father and son wait for MRI.  Note who's happier..

Nurses search for a vein.  Patient chills calmy.

Tag gets belted in for his MRI. 
Maybe he'll be an astronaut when he grows up!

 Sleeping peacefully after the MRI.  

Left arm in splint: I.V., Left leg: pulse, 
Right leg: blood pressure, Left foot: slipper

Joann awaits Tag's awakening.

Happy Mom. Calm boy.

Be Strong Little Heart

Note to Tag:

Son, if you read this someday (and I hope you do), I want you to know that sometimes life sucks.  Today was one of those days and when those days come that put your heart to the test, you just have to take a deep breath and surrender the stress, pain, worry, and seemingly insurmountable odds to God.

Think about all the epic movies we love.  Gladiator, Lion King, Star Wars, Chronicles of Narnia, Braveheart.  In each of these the "hero" is taken from his comfort zone, into an unknown world where it seems all hell has broken lose.  Then, against all the odds, he somehow gathers a few friends and together they find a way to conquer.  What is it about these stories that draw us in, Tag?  And what is it about these stories that provide a unique insight into our own story?

I'm here to tell you son, that I am worried about you.  Tomorrow you go in to the hospital for another MRI.  They are requiring you to fast for 4 hours before, so the anesthesia doesn't make you sick.  This should make for a fun ride in the car for your mom and I...

Your mother and I still have no real answers as to how you are really doing, and you've been with us for nearly 6 weeks!  Meanwhile, your grandfather Howard Brinton is battling his own cancer and has started Chemotherapy, leaving him tired and weak.  And here I am treading water somewhere in the middle, wondering how long both my father and son will be here to help me win my own battle.

Not to mention all the craziness with one of the toughest economies this country has ever had, making it extremely difficult for me to find something stable that can care for you as you visit all these hospitals.

Today's one of those days where I just have to lay all these concerns on the alter and surrender.  I was hoping to get a smile out of you tonight so I can take a picture of you for this post, but you are sad and crying tonight as if you know tomorrow's going to be a tough day.

Remember son, that when it gets tough, and IT WILL GET TOUGH, to put your trust where it counts and find yourself standing on the rock.  It will get better and in the end you will conquer no matter what circumstances you find yourself in.  I'll be praying tonight for you little man.

Your Dad,

Mitch

Appearance of "The Smile"

Joann, Tag and I drove to Twin Falls, Idaho this weekend where Internet access was scarce.  It took us a good two hours more than I thought to get all packed up and on the road!  This is perhaps my biggest adjustment, as I am used to being out the door and on the road in a flash.  I had to apologize for getting a little testy as we seemed to crawl out the door. I swear that Tag packs more than both Joann and I combined! 

Joann's oldest son, Jordan, was wrestling in a tournament and was also celebrating his 18th birthday.  Wrestling tournaments are not very fun to watch as you have absolutely no idea when your wrestler is up, so you have to sit there all day just to watch a 5-minute match.  Good news about this tournament is that Jordan won all 4 matches and was crowned champion in his weight class.  Nice work, Jordan!

Champion Jordan poses with happy mother and Tag.

 
While the trip to Twin Falls was fun, Jo and I are getting frustrated that we still don't have a solid diagnosis from the so-called experts.  Leave it to Tag to stump them all.  We still await the pathology report from the latest test.  We got a call today from the office of Carol Bruggers, a pediatric oncologist at Primary Children's who specializes in newborn tumors. We had met her briefly while there during Tag's first 10 days on earth.  She said she was in a meeting yesterday and asked about Tag and nobody had any answers, to which she responded that she wanted to take over Tag's case and be our go-to gal.  We wholeheartedly agreed and told her that her first item of business is to track down the latest test and find out what the results are.

She wants us to visit Primary's again this week and get another MRI on little Tag to see how the tumor has changed (if any).  Bottom line:  Still no answers.  I really believe that patience is an overrated virtue... 

Tag gets some time with the birthday boy, 
Jordan Roberts, at his 18th birthday party.

While in Twin Falls, Tag was being held by his brother, Michael Roberts, as we all watched some football.  I looked over and tag was staring right at his brother Michael with a HUGE smile on his face.  I told Michael to look and we all laughed at how awesome Tag's first smile was.  Then, Tag continued to stare and make smiles at Michael for at least 5 minutes.  I told Michael that his little brother was trying to communicate with him and Michael stared back into Tag's eyes.  As Joann saw this, she started to cry.  I wonder what Michael and Tag were talking about?  Ever since then, Tag's been smiling all over the place and it is now my life mission to find out how to bring them about.  I'll see if I can snap a picture of this new phenomenon.

Horns Got Hooked

Joann had Tag all ready for the National Championship game last night (see pic below), but Texas' starting QB, Colt McCoy got injured on the first drive and a few mistakes put the game out of reach.  Still, the freshman backup QB gave it a nice effort.

Heaven In The Morning

This morning at about 8 AM I was busy checking/responding to email and Joann was feeding Tag.  After he was full, she started to burp him and I asked to have the honors.  She handed him to me and he had that "I'm so happy and full" look in his eyes as they rolled back into the back of his head in a drunken stupor.  As I put his head over my shoulder he grunted and groaned with a mix of satisfaction, peace, and burgeoning belches.  I am not sure I have ever heard any better sounds.

When he drifted off to sleep, I slid him to the center of my chest, just under my chin and I held him and patted his back and rear end for an hour and a half.  I just couldn't bring myself to do anything else.

Heaven in the morning, baby.

PS.  No news on the gene test we are waiting for.  Stay tuned.

Be In The Moment

I had quite a few of my guy friends tell me that they didn't really enjoy their children until they were a little older and could interact.  For me, this just simply is not the case, as Tag provides loads of enjoyment.  There's a few things I've noticed about Tag that stand out.  Since I really have no comparisons with other newborns I can only assume they are his unique talents and characteristics:

 1) He is quite alert when he's awake and seems to really enjoy being here.  When he looks right at me, we have a cool connection and I am dying to know what he's thinking. When others meet him they often comment about how alert he is, so I'm led to believe my observation is not biased.  Anyway, I like that about him.
2) When awake, Tag is really in the moment.  He doesn't allow things to distract him and he doesn't seem phased by his past or his future.  This inspires me to try harder to do the same.
3) He loves his Mother's breasts.  In this we are indeed father and son.  In Jo's blog post, she commented that all he seems to want to do is nurse.  DUH!
4) He smells delightful and my favorite time of day is when he sleeps on my chest with the top of his head just below my nose.  He nuzzles deeply into my chest and I swear our heartbeats start to beat in unison.  It makes me warm and I highly recommend this to all new parents and grandparents.
5) He is so tiny...making it a blast to hold him (and easy too!).  His cheeks, although small, are so soft and kissable.  Yeah, yeah, I know all parents probably say that about newborns, but it doesn't make it any less true.
6) When my sister was here, she commented how quiet he was.  I told her that I called it "chill" rather than quiet and she wholeheartedly agreed.  His chill attitude is immediately felt and admired.
7) He's gotten a 4.0 on all his tests thus far in his 4 weeks on earth.  CT Scan, MRI, two biopsies and a myriad of other tests.  We can only hope this trend will continue throughout his college years.
8) He's extremely handsome.  This can be directly attributed to his Mother.


I must admit when he and I first hung out and he cried for more than about 20 seconds, I kind of panicked and handed him to his veteran Mother. However, now that we know the "mass" is benign and not dangerous, I have figured out that his crying means one of the following things:
     a) He's hungry.  Since I don't have the food supply, I have had Joann pump an emergency supply into a few bottles so that whenever she is nowhere to be found, I can solve this one quickly.
     b) He has a messy diaper.  This is easily fixed.  Well, easy for now, since his diapers don't smell.
     c) He is working on creating a messy diaper.  This one has stumped me a few times.  He's crying and no food, or binky, or walking around, or changing positions help.  Then it happens.  Kaboom!  ...and the diaper is full.  All is well again in his life.  (as long as I directly proceed to "b")...
     d) He isn't comfortable.  A simple position change or the presentation of a binky solves this one.
     e) He's tired and about to fall asleep.  This one has also stumped me a few times.  He's crying and fidgety and then at the moment I'm about to panic, he's out like a light.  I've imitated this quick transition to Joann and it always garners a good laugh.

If all else fails, I hand him to Joann...

Joann's 1st Post

Joann Brinton writes:  Well, what an adventure we have been on- and judging from my two other boys it will continue to be a grand one!  Tag has already been such a joy and blessing our lives and I feel so blessed he has joined our family.  I haven't written so far as it seems I constantly have my hands full either holding cute little Tag or nursing him.  He doesn't like being put down, and after spending so much time in the hospital's warmer not being held,  how can I blame him?  Right now I am only too happy to oblige him with all he's been through.  He'll be spoiled - or "poiled" to quote my cousin Jennifer- for a while but not to worry...that won't go on forever.  I'm a firm believer in Love and Logic's method of raising kiddos after my years of teaching and mothering!  I'll be ordering their toddler cd's soon as I didn't know about it when Jordan and Michael were that young so that maybe I'll be smarter this time around- I'm sure the elder brothers will be happy to give constructive criticism and let me know how I'm doing.  But it is a little early to worry about discipline yet.  

I sure feel a difference in my energy level these days from when I had Michael fourteen years ago!  My hat goes off to all the moms out there who have other little ones they are taking care of while having a newborn.  I am so tired and have to laugh at my earlier prayers to have twins...good thing the Lord knows what we can and can't handle!  I feel accomplished on days I make the bed, get some laundry in, take a shower and put a little make-up on, etc. 

This was an especially productive day - we got out and visited one of my favorite people in the whole world, Mae Hacking.  She's been home bound the last few months and has been so anxious and excited to meet Tag:

I am grateful to have such a loving husband and dad in Mitch.  His allowing me some extra morning hours of sleep on occasion, making up fun songs, being mesmerized by Tag's coos and faces, loving blog posts, and overall enthusiasm have been so wonderful.  Tag- you are a lucky little guy to have a dad who has taken to you so quickly and takes such good care of your mom!  He's changing quite a few diapers and learning that you have to be watching both ends when doing so.  It was after he called out, "Hey! How did that water get on his face?"  that I got to explain it wasn't water.  Tag does have a powerful stream!  I have learned to keep a hand covering his privates while I wipe with the other after a couple of similar experiences.  Liz gave us some pee-pee tee-pee's to use, but they are pretty worthless with a squirming baby.  Mitch is learning to be patient with crying too, though that curve may take a while.  

Mitch holding Tag in between innings. Like his Dad, Tag plays first base and left field.

Tag's first visit to the mall. Smart boy, he slept through it.

We have been laying pretty low the past few weeks and it has been so nice.  I feel relieved at being home from the hospital and with Tag night and day.  This week's news was wonderful to receive as well.  We are all sleeping better with the news and holding out for this next week to confirm the diagnosis.  Thanks to all who are praying on Tag's behalf. We have sure felt your love, prayers and the Lord's peace sustaining us.  I know there is power in prayer and this experience has just strengthened that knowledge.