Tagman Turns 4

Tag, it's late and I should be in bed, but I can't stop thinking about you on your birthday today.

You are 4, but you keep telling me you want to hurry and be 6 so you can beat your friend Track Arrington since he is already 5.  Today, I hired a photographer to come to the house and take a picture for our Christmas card.  I told her to be there at 5:30 PM, because that is always a time when you and Dooz are happiest.  But you played so hard all day at the Children's Museum and then I took you on some errands and to get you a treat of your choice (you chose a Bomb Pop), and on the ride home you fell asleep in the car just as we arrived home at 5:20.

At 5:30 I had to wake you and you wouldn't stop crying, complaining that your legs hurt.  A growth spurt perhaps?  We had to reschedule the photo shoot.

Then, we tried to take you to dinner and while there, Dooz pooped his pants and had to sit at the restaurant in his new diaper because his pants were a mess.  Typical night as a parent trying to have a normal night out with little ones... You kept pouring parmesan cheese out on the table so you could eat it with your fingers and I let you do this because it was your birthday.

Tag opening Batman socks from Grandma Julie

You got a Big Wheels track that mounts to the wall in your room and you LOVE to play with cars and pretend you are racing. Joann gave you a book and when you opened it, you said, "That's not fun." and went for another present.  That was funny.

Enough play by play.  What I really want to tell you is how much I miss my 1 year old, 2 year old and 3 year old Tag.  Last night after I finished telling you a bedtime story, I hugged you and told you how I'm going to miss my 3 year old Tag.  You thought for a minute and said, "Dad, it's okay. You have to like my 4 because I have to get big."

In our prayers tonight, Joann and I cried as we thanked God for you and what a blessing you are in our lives.  We looked in each others eyes and marveled at how you turned out after that scary night 4 years ago while we sat in the NICU at Primary Children's Hospital with a little boy that we were told had a "birth defect".

Tag's cranial CAT Scan on Dec. 5, 2009

I think about those first few weeks and my mind is clear about how scared I was and how we just hoped you would live to get to know us.  Little did we know during those first days and weeks just how special of a boy we had in our possession.

On the other hand, I look at photos of you at 2 and I can barely remember you.  Those memories have been replaced with a live version named Pack (aka Dooz).  Perhaps this is why I can't get enough of Dooz right now.  He helps me deal with the loss I feel of you leaving that wonderful age.

But, there's no mistaking it son.  You are VERY special to me. After I left your room last night, I heard you whimpering in your room so I returned to see what was the matter.  After asking you, you said, softly, "Daddy, I just wanted to give you a kiss."  So I let you kiss me on the cheek and we lay in bed together for a while longer, as we said goodbye to my 3 year old.

Thank you for that moment.  I love you.